How to behave when you're filthy rich

Tonight: two stories about self-promotion.

1. The Learning Channel has started a clever ad campaign.

They've started running spoof ads to sell figurines from 'The Life Lessons Collection'. For example, one of the figures depicts a woman seated at a computer typing with her right hand and holding a bottle of wine with her left. The placard at the bottom of the figure says, 'Life Lesson #72: Merlot and email don't mix'. The punchline? Watch TLC and collect more life lessons.

Visit the Learning Channel's website to view all of the spots.

2. Martha Stewart's new talk show looks like it's been designed to make her more appealing to the mass market, but--having just seen the first 10 minutes of today's show--it seems that someone's calculation is wildly off the mark.

She started the show by saying that it was a beautiful day in New York City. She knew this because she stayed at her apartment last night and was therefore able to enjoy a leisurely walk down 5th Avenue this morning. Then, she said that--while on her way to work this morning--'the car' stopped in front of two blooming magnolia trees on 57th St.

Cars don't drive themselves, and I take it that Martha wasn't driving this one.

Then, she answered a viewer's question about termite prevention. One of the termite expert's tips was to make sure that there aren't any wood structures near the house's foundation. She chimed in by saying that her East Hampton home has trellises near the house, and she was mindful of termites when she installed them.

Who can relate to waking up on 5th Avenue, being driven to work, and maintaining a house in East Hampton? It seems to me that--if I were living among the richest people in the tri-state area--I'd just rely on my bug guy to keep me pointed away from termite problems because I'd be too busy doing more important things, like counting all my money.

Tune in tomorrow: Martha details her Learjet.