The TAH

I've started a trend, and it's already started to pay dividends.

During the day, I work with so many Advanced Degrees that we could start a small--albeit very geeky--private college. (We're very conscientious of the world's limited supply of tweed, and this is what prevents us from defecting.)

As you might imagine, it's very difficult to impress a lunch table full of PhD's. Stories are often embellished: the wind blows faster, motorcycles approach the sound barrier, and fish grow to extraordinary sizes. Ted from systems engineering goes on two dates in one seven day period.

For months, I've sat at the lunch table listening to all of these tall tales trying to sort fact from fiction. Now, when someone says something that I find particularly questionable, I whip out the talking asshole (TAH).

When my co-workers see the TAH, they know that I'm calling them out: they are now officially talking out of their ass. (Find your own, personal TAH by making a fist and then rotating your thumb back and forth to create a sphincter.)

The talking asshole has become a universal symbol throughout my department. If there's a meeting between a few of us and a few outsiders--and one of those outsiders starts making some outlandish statements--someone will show me their TAH under the table. When someone offers technical advice and they're not quite sure about part of it, they'll show me their TAH during that part of the sentence.

Every TAH has a voice, of course. Mine has a rather high-pitched, lyrical voice that bears a striking resemblance to Mr. Bill in its timbre and pacing. When appropriate, my TAH will offer up a few words.

Other people share their TAH's voices with me, and none of them sound alike. Some are high pitched and excited, while others are low and deliberate. Some sound like they could be Muppets. One is a dead ringer for Sean Connery.

What started as a goofy way to poke fun at ourselves has turned into one of the highlights of my day. I'll be having a serious technical conversation with someone, when--all of a sudden--they'll pull out their TAH, make it talk, and continue on with the conversation. It makes me happy to see that people are willing to share something so personal and so funny during the workday.

An extended version of this story is available by clicking on the 'Podcast' link on the right column.